Unisexian Mindset

I know I'm always comparing Texas to New York, but there's such a gigantic difference. How can I not? This thought, however, is really worth my two cents and yours. I pondered this theory as I was driving home tonight at 1am in the morning from my current boyfriend's house. I felt quite sad on the way there and sadder on the way home. As you can infer, it's not going as well as it did in the beginning (at least for me). I keep asking myself the same old question day in and day out, "Why am I even in this?".

Well, this thought I had while driving, has nothing to do with my current relationship. It's a realization from tonight's ponderment. So what is it that I realized? I finally recognized that the difference between men and women in Texas is larger by a huge margin than the difference between men and women in New York. What do I mean by the difference? I concluded that the viewpoints about the difference between genders is quite opposite in each town. From my experience in New York of knowing friends, peers, colleagues, and the general public, they do not find too much difference between their own gender and the opposite. New York in a sense, is quite unisex, if you will. It's not merely quite, but incredibly unisex. Probably the most unisex city in America besides San Francisco, Seattle, Chicago. Well, the fact that each of these unisexian cities are the way they are is probably due to the fact that people have very liberal and overly mutual mindsets. In my opinion, coming from New York, I think that's great. In our modern day society, things should be unisex by now.

But from living in Texas again for the past year, I've realized that Texas is so behind on becoming unisex. It's getting there, but it's far from cigar. Peoples' idea on how greatly different women are from men is incredibly skewed. There is no unisexian mindset here at all. There is always some indication of the difference in everything you hear or every person you talk to. This difference between sexes is always pointed out no matter what. It's almost impossible to get around it without going into some debate. To be honest, society is uncomfortable for me here. I am always trying to measure myself against the opposite sex. And they in turn only make it worse by believing that there is such a great difference. Every person is stuck in this stupid mindset. My mother to my father to my guy friends to my girl friends, to my current lover, to my co-workers.

From this revelation, I started to think macroly (if that's a word?). I looked outward at the community itself here in Houston. New York is eclectic because it literally is a stew of different cultures, statuses, and backgrounds. Aside from the bonus of being unisexian, it is successfully universal in ethnicity. Houston, however, is full of different cultures and ethinic groups, but it is sadly far from being a stew of eclectic sharing. Houston is actually more like a platter, international communities separated by sections on a large plate. It is divided by distance, by poor marketing, and by the existence of a plethora of suburbia. This creates ignorance of other cultures and worldwide ideas, which in turn, creates racism, misunderstanding, and a lack of respect. Suburbia is rich, full of status, full of cookie cutter Americana. The inner city is metropolitan, forced with a mini stew, but not as authentic enough to become something major like New York.

This, my friend, is why I have been so unhappy at home all along. I miss my old flames, my old guy friends, my old male classmates, my bosses, my professors, my neighbors, and my strangers who know that we are different but we all are New Yorkers. There is much knowledge of each other and for each other, and therefore much respect for one another. Our interaction is always continued. We are capable of anything. New Yorkers are superficially pessimists but intellectually we are driven by optimism in our efforts and ideals.

Hm... Well, okay, you got me. I guess it does have to do something with my current relationship. Unfortunately, I realized that I really cannot find someone or ever settle with someone from Texas. I just can't. Too different. I might be a little narrow-minded on this but if a real guy actually pops up that can prove me wrong, then I'll actually think about living my life here in Houston. But for right now, my rooster is still pointing north to New York. Whatever I'm in right now, he's only proven me right. That's a bad thing. Which leaves me to that same old question, "Why am I even in this?". The answer is hope. But maybe a more obvious answer is the phrase, Carpe Diem!