Thought

I watched a movie about the end of the world tonight. Suturing into the storyline, I started to feel lonely. I pretended I was the character on the brink of death. Who would I be hugging and holding as I watch the world deteriote if it were happening right now? I'd have no one. Jon would have his norwegian chick or some other chick. I'd just die without someone loving me. It'd be like wuthering heights. Isn't that what heaven is for? You'd live in eternity with someone you wish for, as if it's a figment of some imagination. Like that scene from A.I. where Haley Joel Osmonde asks to have one last day with a mother. That was like his "heaven" as he dies. I think I'm afraid of the pain, the truth, the thought that he really no longer wishes to acknowledge my existence. Being replaced without regret. It's a horrible feeling, it really is. You just want to vomit.

It's like your loved one having amnesia. All their memories of you, their recognition of you, their love for you suddenly just vanishes. They just die on you. You just want to scream because you're so heartbroken and lonely and feel like your world was meaningless or fake or for nothing. I remember when my grandfather fell and had a hemorrage in his brain. He had to go in for surgery. Afterwards he had no idea who my grandmother was for a few weeks. She'd cry hysterically and freak out and say "IT"S ME!!!! YOUR WIFE!!!". It was so sad. I think I know how she felt.