One Life to Live

I really should be studying. I have an exam tomorrow. But this blog thing is so much more fun. I started to daydream today. I was in the drabbest looking library at school. I started to flip through the books on the shelves and stumbled upon the ceramic arts section. As I went back to my seat to read about cardiac mechanics, I started imagining about other jobs I would be having right now if I never went this route (healthcare). Maybe I could have been some textile designer living in New York, dressed up in my trendy SoHo clothes on the 8th floor of some tall building at my drawing table. Then I started to dream that I was a writer for some sitcom or cartoon show, sitting in my little office with a typewritter drinking coffee at NBC studios on fifty-something street. And then I started to think about myself still in graduate school getting an MFA in Studio Art, painting some naked beatnick in front of me in my room in Brooklyn. Finally I imagined myself as some columnist for the NY Times or for some local press, smoking my cigar while also typing away on a typewritter in some cramped office in midtown. Well..., I guess they all have to do with living in New York. Being big somehow. I'm still stuck in this post-teen spirit. I think I was kind of scared to really venture into such interesting careers. Fear of failure as well as job insecurity. I wanted to live vicariously through Jon, actually. He was going to be a game concept designer. And all of our friends were in the art industry. That was good enough for me. I didn't have to live it. Just be surrounded by it. Be part of it on the side, ya know? Well, I think I'll end up doing optometric research anyway. I don't think I can imagine myself in a clinic every single day... Okay, I might change my mind. But, we'll see. Depends on how domesticated I feel at that point in time. I mean, you only live in your twenties once right? It sucks that we have to choose one role to be. I wish I can live my life over and over, and it'll be different each time. Groundhog day for the college graduate.