My dad is more successful than I ever was. His time was different. My generation is different. You could say life is easier in my time, being in the convenience of America, the war not directly affecting my life at all really, and having an example to follow. But at the same time, life for me seems so much harder than what my dad had to ever worry about. But in reality our lives, our experience, our journey is just different. My dad didn't have to juggle anything except school back in Vietnam. He was a rich boy, everything taken care of, unmarried, unbothered, healthy, and happy. The only pressure was that he was the first born son, forced into the line of the medical profession.
What do I have to deal with here? Living in my own apartment, constant health issues, fear of contraction of various diseases that my dad could never have been exposed to back in Vietnam, taking care of family members, dealing with a lot of steps to get where my dad got in very few steps, being a woman, and psychological things. Too many others to name. My generation is different. We have way more distractions, more danger zones, and just more crap to deal with than we should handle. Sometimes for the sake of a career , I wish I was sheltered, stale, and stable. I'm on the brink of failing out of optometry school. I'm not making the cut right now. Not only is it not my cup of tea, but I can't even figure out how to drink it.
If I was a daughter of a blue-collared worker, I'd be happy in a factory job. I don't need $100,000+ / year in income. I don't need that prestigious title at the end of my name. I don't need to be my own boss. I don't need to prove anyone. I'd just be happy with a used car, working a mundane job that doesn't require high creditials or thinking, living in a small house, owning mediocre possessions, and etc. All I really would want or need with those, is a loving husband that I'm in love with, and my ability to distinguish/appreciate the world and humanity itself. i.e. the arts/literature/history/etc. I probably should've gone into something other than a health profession.
My confidence in life/school/etc, is dwindling quite dramatically. I was doing okay the first two months of school. But now, it's rapidly kicking me in the butt. I wonder if my limit for this field has already been hit and there's no point in going on?
It's even harder when 90% of your friends and the circles you know are living their lives fully.. i.e. not going into a health profession. They're doing other things, their dreams, and understanding life more than ever, more than me. I bite my lip and keep my eyes on the textbooks. With that type of social environment, my motivation just keeps ceasing even though I keep decorating my "future career". I spend more than a quarter of my life in school. Only being able to live it sparingly, and after I retire. I wish I was a daughter of a blue collared worker, because then, there would be no pressure, no expectation, and no bar I have to touch. I'd just do what I'm good at, what I like, and still have respect, and a place in the family. How many doctors do we really need in this Nguyen clan?
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oh goodness, i dunno if you'd be happy being the daughter of a blue-collared worker. that comes with its own set of problems. you wouldn't get to travel, go to NYU, have health insurance. you wouldn't really get to do what you wanted, because you'd have so many financial restrictions. if you wanted to be a doctor, there'd be no way you could afford it. and if you didn't, you might feel pressured to be one anyway, since you'd want to give your children better opportunities than the ones you were given. i doubt all children of blue-collar workers aspire to work in factories or mundane jobs... hell, i'm the daughter of a blueish collar worker, and i certainly don't want to work in a factory. we have dreams too!
you need to just do what you want. it's not necessarily about how supportive your parents are, but what you do with your own life. If you keep letting your parents dictate everything you do, even now when you're already 24 and an adult, when will you ever stop? When will you do what YOU want to do?
my parents don't pressure me to do certain careers because it's not their priority, and since i've been financially independent for awhile, it's not something they have to worry about. but they do/did try to pressure me in other areas. and when they tried, i would yell back and be stubborn (like living with henry pre-marriage -they did NOT approve but whatever, i did it anyway and didn't hide it from them, and they were forced to accept it eventually). or not going to church. and so on and so forth, etc.
just.. do what you want, is i guess what i'm trying to say. if it is optometry, then yeah. just keep working at it, no matter how tough it is. and figure out why you're having problems with it. Talk to your professors/go to office hours/ get advice/etc. You're smart, you can do it, you might just have to go about it in a different way.
but if it's not optometry, then it seems like a waste of time. u only live once. live for yourself. make yourself happy not ur parents. don't live life filled with such regrets. i think maybe many of these expectations are self-imposed. maybe you just feel like you have to have this degree and prestige, and you are scared not to have it? but just have some balls, and take that risk!!! just do it! liveee! you have control of you life, and you can't live it blaming the circumstances you were born in, or whatnot. u have the power to change it. if you want to work in a factory job, then do it!
okay i hope i'm not sounding too harsh. just. when you write about how you HAVE to do this thing that is "forced" upon you.. well.. i just disagree. but i duno. maybe i'm not making sense, or understanding ur blog entry - it is 1:30 am and i'm sleep-deprived! and listening to too many philosophy lectures online, that make me think about life harder. gahhhhh ok im gonna go gnitee!
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