Only My Half Now

Well, i'm here in new york. It's the same to me. So I guess it feels like home in a sense? Like i'm really happy to be back to visit everyone, but there's not as much like excitement for the city itself since I was just here not too long ago and like nothing's really changed here. Such a neutral feeling! Maybe I'm getting old? And half of my friends don't even live in new york anymore. They're either out of the country or living in some other city... Well, maybe I'm just not as phased anymore by anything or anywhere because I've already done everything I've wanted in New York. Although, I think Iceland will definitely open my eyes and transcend my mind a greater deal. I think that's why I've been craving like foreign countries, especially more obscure locations, or even like third world places. It's so incredibly different. I need new environments and cultures.

I have to admit that since my breakup with Diego, I've been feeling kind of empty??? I'm not like depressed or devastated, since it was such a short relationship. But I'm still stuck in this limbo of like emptiness... Things become kind of indifferent, neutral, or meaningless in a way? I think it's been sort of affecting me. I haven't been able to enjoy whatever I'm doing to the fullest? I still am enjoying it but like it's down a notch than it should be. I remember when I was with him, everything I did on my own time felt so great. I was such in a happy state, that everything else I encountered was just so great, even the mundane things like hanging out with family or work. He definitely was like a drug to me. A natural high everyday. Sounds silly but he really made my day. It really was head-over-heels/madly in love type of feeling. We were both like that.... until we just ran out of fuel. Kind of tragic a bit. I still feel a little lost without him. He was my other half for a time. And now it's gone, and I'm just left with my half. I'm not sure why he keps asking me out for tea. It gives me this sort of dangerous false hope. But I'll definitely hold onto my heart for now.