I'm starting to think I'm just really lonely here in Houston. I was pretty darn happy in Iceland and in New York, but once I stepped into home soil again, I felt this sudden emptiness or like I felt out of place. And I think I'm depressed a little bit over Diego because he was the only thing that seemed comfortable and familiar to me out of everyone and everything in Houston. He was like a piece of my true self, the way I am and the way people see me back at NYU and stuff. He made me a little more grounded here at home. When I met him, it was like I finally found that connection I've been so used to that I have had a hard time finding here for the past two years. But now, since we're not really anything anymore, I'm lost again in Texas.
Everything seems fine and dandy. I have lots of old hometown friends, and a buncha new friends from hbu, optometry, pottery and of course my entire family. But all of it, it's still not hitting me. I'm missing this specific connection. Tonight I went to a banquet where I met some of my new classmates for grad school, and I just felt like I didn't belong. And it made me sad about optometry school. Like maybe I should've gone to Oregon, where my intuition kept pointing. I felt like only people there can understand me in more of a similar way that NYU did.
I miss Diego because he fit me. Not entirely of course. But he fit my usual social circle that I'm used to. The type of people I'm used to. Just from tonight's interaction with future classmates, I felt like such an oddball. Everyone's kind of one type.
So in regards to Diego, I just don't know if I'm feeling him for the right reasons anymore. Maybe we're better off as friends. And tea time really was just tea time. A hug was just a hug.
I definitely know for sure like 100% that I'm not going to find someone in optometry school, like everyone's been telling me. You guys are all going to be wrong. I guess that's why my brother hangs out at the Rice Village (the williamsburgian of houston).
1 comment:
wait wat was in oregon?? did u go there for interview? i forget. oregon sounds nice.. like portland??? i'd be afriad it might be overkill hipster tho?
anyway... the ppl u met were probably all on their best, socially extroverted, normal behavior??? YOU yourself are going to houston optometry school, so already, not EVERYONE is like.. the same cookiecutter kinda person.. there might be some more of you hidden, right?? and yeah, u got all those ppl in ur life! it's so funny how we get jealous of each other. it really is grass is greener on other side! i wish i had more various social groups here, while u wish for a companion! why can't we hav it all damnit!?
Post a Comment