Reverie

i practiced playing the piano today. haven't touched that instrument in almost 4 years. i flipped through my debussy book and boy was it fucking hard. i was stumbling on every chord. i couldn't even remember how to read some of the notes. took me an hour to sort of refresh. but i just remembered the fingering of each song. it was easier that way instead of reading the book. and it was lovely. my piano needs a bit of tuning. but the sound, my style, debussys work, and the peacefulness was enjoyable today. my sunday afternoon was spent indulging in my old skills which are rusty skills at present. my parents were listening to me while they layed in their bedroom. my grandparents walked over occasionally and listened. i never acknowledged their presence. i was too much into the melodies and trying to figure what note that is on the page. i played serenade of the doll, arabesque no. 1, claire de lune, reverie, and tried to find my gymnopedie sheet music but i think my brother stole it from me. it was nice today to just get into music again. i've been sewing and painting but i was lazy with music. but today, i felt happy and relaxed and had the urge to do something beautiful.

i'm not sure who i was playing for really. for my own ears? for my family who was awake listening? or for someone that i love but wasn't there? i got sad a bit today. i've been in such a high that i had to come down at some point right? not sure why i'm sad. lonely for a day? not sure of how happy i should be? as in how happy i should let myself be?

whenever i play the piano, i kind of get sucked into my daydreams. sounds corny but it's true. my piano faces the windows to the backyard. and these windows are kind of weird. like they warp things and the glass is fuzzy, so like whenever i play, i stare at the backyard, the creek, the houses across the water, the sky, and the ducks flying. it looks like some watercolor painting.

p.s. i kind of wish i could learn how to play the trumpet though. i love the sound. the simplicity of the instrument. i'm thinking of just buying a trumpet and taking lessons. i've never touched a wind instrument before. not sure if i can blow well.