Family Vows

Hm. I think a huge difference between my category of friends here in Houston and those in New York is the presence of family responsibilities. Every friend I have here still lives at home from those who are still in college to those who are reaching their late twenties. I don't know anyone, actually, who lives in their own apartment by themselves or with friends here in H-town. It's kind of ridiculous but I guess it makes sense to save money sleeping in your childhood bed. But their whole perspective is different. There is a responsibility to live at home. They must live at home. Family duty is of more importance than independent soul-searching (career, school, exploration). Even myself, I've taken on this completely opposite lifestyle than I was back at NYU. I am home during the day taking care of my grandparents. Almost every night, I do chores for my mom because she comes home late from work. Every Tuesday and Friday, I babysit my niece for a few hours. So I really spend about 80% of my free time with family. But every friend or classmate I have here totally understands and has almost exactly the same scenario of responsibility.

Yet, those I know from NYU, are living that independent life, being the best they can be as an individual. Most of them don't really even keep that much in touch with their family. And all of them don't have to "take care" of anyone else in their family. My life is completely polar than my life at NYU. It has become more domesticated, slightly more burdened, and much more stressful because I have to worry about grandparents, parents, and a neice week in and week out.

I'm not sure what to think really, other than be envious of all my alma mater friends. But angry at times, because I think those who don't see where I am coming from nowadays, don't understand why I cannot do this or that. I'm constantly doing stuff for someone in my family. I feel old too. There's no upbeat, or carefreeness, just constant responsibility.

So, if you think I've become very serious and more boring, you know why. Family life has taken its toll on me. And I don't think most of those I know understand this.

I came to this realization and understanding when Jon kept arguing with me that I never pick up my phone or I'm never online or I'm always so damn busy. Well, he only lives with his parents who are perfectly healthy, has no neices or nephews, has no ailing grandparents, and has absolutely no chores around the house. Live in my shoes for a day. Family is a full-time job.

I also came to an understanding of this lifestyle when I saw my friend breakdown completely. Her life is a mirror image of mine except much more stressful. She is the only one at home taking care of her family, has to work a job, go to night school, and also went through a long-distance relationship. When I hugged her, I felt very akin. Hugging myself. In my head, I said to myself that this is our place, our duty, accept it, and yes it sucks, but at least we are hard workers.

I guess that's also why I wanted to go to an optometry school out of state. It's so I can relinquish my responsibilities. Be on my own again, have fun again, my free time is to me only. I don't have to feel guilty. Out of sight, out of mind. They way modern Americans live. I don't know anyone else at my age who is taking care of their grandparents or has to help their mom each night with cooking/cleaning/babysitting. It's like god said, I'd had my fun in ny, now I must be the servant that I am in this asian culture. Obviously my brothers don't do jack shit, I'm the girl, the daughter must do all of this while her brothers sit around the dinner table enjoying their meals. My mom and I always eat last but finish first so that we can clean/serve. When will I be free?

I hope everyone I know understands. My life is really not that great. Want to switch?